DANIEL

I've been a very good little boy this year. Relative to everybody else that is. I helped a little old lady across the street. I let people skip in line because they were in a hurry. I don't complain when things don't go my way. I don't hate people because they're different. I obey (most) laws. I'm a nice guy! But that doesn't seem to matter to you. Why is it that every year you give all the presents to the little snobby rich boys and leave the bums on the street? Why is it that you leave homeless people freezing under a pile of snow while Bill Gates is sitting happily in his pool full of money a la Scrooge McDuck? This isn't working out very fairly if you ask me, so here's my Christmas wish this year: I ask that either you get your priorities straight, and start a Robin Hood situation with these people to even out the wealth, or you go screw yourself and get the hell out of my culture before I snap and burn down the Times Square tree.